vineri, 23 ianuarie 2009

An ode of English plurals

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let’s face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce
and hammers don’t ham
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man anda wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop?


1. Engleza pentru incepatori: (English for beginners)
Traduceti in engleza:
.... Trei vrajitoare privesc trei ceasuri Swatch.
Care vrajitoare priveste care ceas Swatch?
Si acum, in engleza:
... Three witches watch three Swatch watches.
Which witch watches which Swatch watch?
2. Engleza pentru avansati: (advanced English)
Traduceti in engleza:
... Trei vrajitoare transsexuale privescn trei butoane pe ceasuri Swatch. Care vrajitoare transsexuala priveste care buton de ceas Swatch?
Si acum in engleza:
... Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches.
Which switched witch watches which Swatch watch switch?
3. Engleza pentru experti: (English for experts)
Traduceti in engleza:
.... Trei curve vrajitoare elvetience care doresc sa fie curve vrajitoare transsexuale elvetience, vor sa priveasca trei butoane pe ceasuri elvetiene Swatch. Care curva vrajitoare elvetianca - care doreste sa fie curva vrajitoare transsexuale elvetianca - vrea sa priveasca care buton de ceas Swatch?
Traducerea in engleza:
... Three swiss witch-bitches, who wish to be switched swiss witch-bitches, wish to watch three swiss Swatch watch switches. Which swiss witch-bitch who wishes to be a switched swiss witch-bitch, wishes to watch which swiss Swatch watch switch?
Traduceri de nume localitati in engleza:

Adunatii Copaceni - Gathered Tree People
Afumati - Neversober
Baicoi - Youball
Buhusi - Boo
Buzau - Really Fat Lip
Calarasi - Silly-dressed Folks on Horses
Ciorogarla - Nigger-River
Constanta - The Steadiness
Dor Marunt - Miniature Melancholy
Husi - Shoo
Navodari - Networkers
Onesti - The Sincere
Pitesti - Youdohide
Satu-Mare - The Rather Roomy Rural Community
Slatina - Slut Tina
Slobozia - A Very Wrong Local Tradition
Târgu Frumos - The Aesthetically Pleasing Bazaar
Urlati - Gimme Some Noise
Voluntari - Town of Unpaid Assistants
When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle: "Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"

"A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.

A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer... and no one knew what to say next.

Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said,
"Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word, 'appiness!'"
This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically.
A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the buildingmaterials for his home. She read ... "and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?
The teacher paused then asked the class: "And what do you think the man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ... "I think the man would have said-, f*** me!! A talking pig!"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

2 comentarii:

Anonim spunea...

Ce sa-i mai faci si cu englezismele astea.Domnu Pana cand v-am propus sa facem un site ati spus ca nu aveti timp si acum ...uite ce indeletniciri are baiatu'.

Cu stima un mare fan.

Anonim spunea...

Bai baiatule... blogul tau e destul de reusit,posteaza si tu ceva mai interesant niste porno ceva,o tatza... naiba,se cam plictiseste lumea.Cu stima MA TA!!!